The 3 Stages of Initiation

Initiation

Etymology. Borrowed from Latin initiātus, perfect passive participle of initiō (“begin, originate”), from initium (“a beginning”), from ineō (“go in, enter upon, begin”), from in + eō (“go”).

To go means to move in some way. Movement creates life and life can always be looked at as a series of initiations. Physiological ones starting with coming into existence in the moment of conception, being born, puberty and menarch, and death itself, and also social initiations or rites of passage like a wedding and a graduation.

The three stages of initiations - separation, liminality, and return - provide a powerful framework for understanding the transformative journey of childbirth and new motherhood.

Separation

Separation can start with the intention to move, to go somewhere still unknown or do something different.

The thought of something always precedes its existence. The motion which is set in place when we have an idea come to us can mark the beginning of the first phase of an Initiation or a Rite of Passage.

In similar way, the separation can start when something moves within someone. The ever expanding force of life starts stretching us from the inside out and takes the person into the next cycle in the spiral of existence.

In birth it is said that the separation can start with our first contemplation about being a parent. Be it in childhood or adolescence or maybe only when a woman finds out she is pregnant. In any case, this separation becomes more obvious when there is a conception in mind or a pregnancy has begun.

Liminality

The threshold. The ordeal.

This phase connects us to our source and destiny, the whole. In the threshold we feel smaller than ever, so humbled, control-less. Adrift we are transformed.

In an Initiation we are brought to the liminalyty of our existence, where revelation forces us to be another.

It humbles us. And by doing so allows for our growth. To be bigger first we have to be smaller.

The surprise, the unexpected which forces us to take a second look and discover freshness where there was rigidity.

A bigger version of ourselves comes out the other side with larger consciousness and understanding.

Most women go through liminality during the birth process because that’s when the physiological initiation has its peak and they are most vulnerable, but in some cases the ordeal can present itself during pregnancy or in early postpartum.

Return

The Return phase of an initiatory journey involves integrating the new reality of life into our inner narrative. It is feeling whole again after having been shredded into pieces and finding new harmony physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

It’s a whole new balance point.

It can be very hard to find this new sweet spot in our lives when the experience of Birth in our culture has been extremely “de-mamalized”. The challenge might also present itself in our collective lack of understanding of the needs of mothers when they are transitioning from maiden to mother (or second, third time mother…).

We know nourishment, real connection, practical help and loving companionship are essential for a safe return but unfortunately not all women have these basic needs met.

A big gap also presents itself when a woman is not witnessed in the depth of her experience. To go to one’s underworld and bring back a child isn’t a small feat and the way this moment of return is experienced in relationship to her family and peers might affect her future significantly.

After the intensity of birth and delivery, new mothers need time and support to integrate their experiences and step into their new identity.

Birth Story Sessions and the Return

Birth Story Sessions are a space where women can find  attention, compassion and guidance to reflect on and claim ownership of their stories. These sessions help bridge the gap between the liminal space of birth and the return to everyday life as a mother. They provide an opportunity to find meaning, healing, and empowerment in even challenging birth experiences.

The integration process takes time too. The return is not instantaneous, but rather an unfolding journey of its own. By creating dedicated time to revisit and make sense of the birth experience, women may find grace to move forward with greater clarity and confidence in their new role.

Honoring the return phase through Birth Story Sessions and other supportive practices helps women find solid ground after the upheaval of birth. This sets the stage for a more grounded transition into motherhood, benefiting mother, child, their family and the world at large.